Sunday, December 23, 2012

recipes!

I want to give you all yummy treats for reviewing, but I can't. so here are two easy, yummy recipes!


Lava Cakes

¾ cup butter
6 oz semisweet chocolate pieces3 eggs
3 egg yolks
½ cup white sugar
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
1/3 cup all purpose flour (plus a little extra)
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
*
  1. Heat oven to 400 F,  grease and flour pans( use small bread tins or a cupcake pan).  
  2. Separate 3 egg yolks and add in the 3 whole eggs (put in large bowl) mix in vanilla and sugar. Stir well. 
  3.  Melt butter and chocolate in the saucepan over low heart, stir constantly.
  4.  Sift flour and cocoa together into small bowl, set aside. Take the melted chocolate and slowly pour into the large bowl, stirring constantly. Add in the flour-cocoa and stir. 
  5.  Bake for  7 to 10 minutes.
  6.  Carefully turn pan over a sheet of waxed paper/cookie sheet, the cakes should come right out.
  7. Add any toppings you wish.

Spiced Walnuts

3 cups walnut haves
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup water
3 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
*
Heat oven to 275, cook nuts for 10 minutes on a non stick pan. Meanwhile, mix other ingredients (except vanilla) in a pot, boil for two and 1 half minutes. remove from heat, add vanilla and nuts, mix well. Spread on foil, and let cool for 30 minutes.

Friday, December 14, 2012

A fading Hope chapter 15



Song
Endless Night from the Lion King (stage show)
( Lyrics and discussion will be in a separate post)
This chapter was hard to write.
The Sunday I began it, I saw a woman I hadn’t spoken to for seven years, when she and her daughter pretty much destroyed my life. I don’t want to go into details, but because of their actions, my trust and faith in people was shattered and is still healing. I became very depressed. Seeing her brought back memories and emotions I’ve tried to keep locked away.
The same emotions- hopelessness, despair, loss- that were key to this chapter.
So yeah.

Story.
This was the Core of the story. So let’s talk about that.
Unlike pretty much every other story I’ve ever written, this one didn’t come from a scene. as I said when I was talking about A Captive Light’s core, I had a scene- I knew that Kari was going to have been kidnapped, someone was going to take a blast for her, her crest was going to react.
For this one, when I started thinking, “Ok, I have that one loose end to deal with. hmm” I didn’t have anything.
While walking back from church one day over a year ago, I came up with not a scene, but an image. T.K., alone, in the Dark ocean. with the scene came one word: Hopeless.
I had a lot of work to do to get from that single word and image to the story you’ve been reading. I spent the rest of December plotting it out.

Moving on, this is something important to me. All of my works have one or both of two themes: the power of friendship and loyalty, and the battle between hope and despair.
I use these for different reasons.
The first one- that someone would do anything for a friend- is in Fading Hope, but mostly in Captive Light. I use this theme, because I never had it in my life. I had “friends” but most of them were just cousins I saw once every few months, or people who wouldn’t tease me at school. I had no one I could really talk to, no one who would do for me what my characters, both in fanfiction and in my other works, do for each other. So I write what I didn’t have. I’m very blessed to have people I consider my true friends now.

The second theme I use because it’s a constant in my life. I have Hypomania, type two bipolar, and have battled depression for seven years. Really, it all goes back to the woman and her daughter I mentioned earlier. I was badly bullied in middle school and high school wasn’t a ton better. So I battled. I’m on medication now, but for six and a half years it was just me, trying to keep faith and hope. Bi polar is a funny thing. I would Know in my head everything would be fine in a week, but I couldn’t believe it in my heart.
And that’s what A Fading Hope is about. It’s about loss, it’s about meeting despair, it’s about falling- and it’s about hope.

Like I said, I become whatever character I’m writing. So as I wrote this, I revisited those feelings- of uncertainty, of utter and complete hopelessness and despair. Of thinking” It’s over. there is nothing I can do to make this better. there is no way I can go on.” It was hard. I was pretty emotional shaken after I finished ( the meds still worked. i’m fine, don’t worry :) ) but it was really important to write, because- that was it, the core of the story. T.K, in the dark ocean and his world is in tatters and this is his darkest hour, his despair event horizon.
I tried to draw on my own life for his words and thoughts, digging through old poems, facebook posts, journal entries. I’m sorry if it doesn’t fit or work well or is too repetitive- his thoughts and the text are modeled after my own thought patterns during my lows, and are thus not really coherent.
I hope I got the message across.

This was dark. T.K. is in the dark ocean with only Patamon- the first draft didn’t even give him that. I took pity on him. ish. He has lost hope. I know it is out of character- but not, I think, for this story, which is darker than the show. and in the last few hours, all the hopes he had were shattered when his friends got captured, and then when he couldn’t do anything to save them or Kari.

The dream is shamelessly inspired by Tamora Pierce’s book Squire( Tamora Pierce is amazing. seriously, just go read something by her.)- the main character faces an Ordeal to become a knight and has to face her worst fears, and one of them is reliving a situation where she saved her friends but this time she’s frozen with fear and they all die. I borrowed the Idea. It’s not mine.

Most of what T.K. is feeling- the numbness, the emptiness, everything being big and cold but tears- is what I feel when I have my lows. I tried to be realistic. 
Um yeah.
Wow, that was really dark.
It get’s better, guys. Spoilers: I love happy endings.
I’m not saying everything will work out, but there is Hope. It’s all going to get - better -.
I am a creature prone to happy endings, and there’s still a few chapters left.
hold to that.
next chapter will be up in a week, give or take.
Hedgi.

More Izzy!

I posted the next chapter of No Knowledge today.
I have the feels for that chapter. It was so warm and fuzzy. We need warm and fuzzy today.
Also, I ship Joe and Mimi. I ship them so much. :D

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Fading Hope Chapter 14


A Fading Hope chapter 14: the Darkness Again
Song: Into the West from Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You’ve come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping
[Chorus]
What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home
And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass
Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say: "We have come now to the end"

White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping
[Chorus]
And all will turn 
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass 
Into the West

I love this song. I love lord of the rings, although my movie budget is going to see Les Mis three times, so I’ll be waiting to see hobbit) I chose it because... well, it’s a bit bleak. it’s more than a bit bleak. and at this point, so is the story. Hope is fading, and the end is coming, and.. yeah. the tune is soft, a lullaby, a pleading, prayerful lullaby- but the Dark is coming. I thought it fit.

Story.
I missed Izzy so much that I just had to keep writing him, and also the chapter was way too short so... flashback! The count to ten thing comes from a book series I really liked, “ the hourglass door” it’s time travel romance with loads of good versus evil and epic battles. 
I hope I made Izzy awkward enough. Poor Izzy.
I like him. He shall... get another chapter in his story. ( what, you think I’m going to spoil his fate??)
Now onto story.
My heart hurt to write this chapter, but it was the way the story came to me, the way it fit together and it had to happen. You all probably hate me for it. Sorry.
So- Kari was the Small one. It makes sense, after all. The little, pure, Light touched, angelic one is always the chosen one, or so it seems, so those of you who’ve read a lot of fantasy- you probably saw it coming- or did you? I don’t know how many of you were surprised.
I got to use my Firefly shout out again, which made me happy. Only Kari’s not exactly River Tam. Too bad for that.
But Kari gets to think and suddenly it all makes sense to her. She is the Small one. One of my favorite lines was probably “ Her voice quaked but her knees were steady, she was steady, she was not afraid.”
Did you have a favorite line?
And the T.K. gets to all heroic and Awesome and self sacrificing like he is. And he has to be, because he’s got to convince Devimon not to go after Kari because she’s the only one who can win. No pressure  or anything.
And then Poor, Poor, Kari has a flashback/ realization. Sad.  And Patamon is unconscious. This looks bad.
And then the bombshell. Wham line.
Devimon killed the others.
Excuse me while I go cry in a corner.

Um, I’m back. Are... are you?
I can wait.
I know you probably want to kill me for that.
Don’t.
You know from No Knowledge that Devimon wants to use at least Izzy to make sure the rings work on people. So Izzy’s alive! And if Izzy’s alive, well, draw you own conclusions. But T.K. and Kari don’t know this. So the others might as well be dead at this point. Or maybe they are dead. All I'm saying is that Izzy, Cody, and Matt are for sure alive at this point in the story.
The again, there was that Dream.
Sometimes dreams are just dreams. And sometimes, they are more.
And we get an answer about whose past was repeating. T.K.’s.

So... Kari’s... gone. The Light fades. The fight is over.
You all hate me for that ending.
It was hard to write, though not harder than the next chapter.
So, what happens next? The story's not over. It’s not. There are about 4 more chapters, counting epilogue. Stuff needs to get resolved in the real world at least.
And Devimon’s plans are larger than you know.
Be Afraid. 
Hedgi.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

you'll be happy about this.

Hi, the one person who is reading this :)

I have awesome news.
because I don't want to leave the Christmas chapter on a downer (spoilers! sorry), I have decided to post the next two chapters of A Fading Hope  in the next two weeks.
AND the next chapter of No Knowledge of What comes.

Mostly because I'm on Christmas gift 55/70 and it's only the first week of December so I suddenly am less busy.

Isn't that grand?

Monday, December 3, 2012

Chapter 13


A Fading Hope chapter 13: Light's Prayer
Song- chapter 34 by Riddle TM

I’m cold but I know that I shouldn’t be
Like I’ve woken up from a bad dream.
Time slows down to a crawl,
And sound comes through muffled to me
A long way off from here.
Life is precarious,
Just a thin line like a fragile spiders web.
But you can be invincible
Just find something to hold on to.
(I open at the close)
(Verse 2)
I hold the ring in my hand
I’ll be okay now I have the bitter truth at last.
Help me through, strengthen my resolve
Help me face Voldemort
With courage and without fear.
Life is precarious,
But that’s what makes all the difference.
I wonder if it hurts
I guess it’s time to find out.
(Chorus)
Here we are now at the bitter end
Holding onto loyalty and hope
We have courage, friendship and love
A magic stronger than anything you have.
(Verse 3)
I see around me people I love and I feel strong
Nothing can stop me now.
You took my family, can take my life
But I won’t be defeated,
That at least is clear.

Life is precarious,
But that doesn’t mean we can’t have hope.
I’m not afraid anymore.
Here’s to life, and here’s to love.
(Chorus)
And you underestimated us
You don’t understand friendship or love
Now Tom Riddle, this is the end.
The last thing to be defeated is death.

I chose THIS wrock song for both words and tune. It's slow and sad, but has this yearning, this edge of Hope and I liked that. because Kari and t.K. are left to fight, just them, their brothers are gone, their parents can't help, their Nakama, their friends closer than family are gone and it's just them but they won't give up, they won't, they won't. Kari knows, a bit, that something bad is coming, the Voice keeps telling her that the Past is becoming the future- now. that future is now. And T.K. will protect her. and they have that hope- that everything is going to be all right.

Story.
I had such a blast writing this one.
Ok, hands? how many of you did I fool? you thought it was T.K! don't worry. Izzy and Joe thought it was T.K. T.K. thought it was T.K. but we'll get to that in a sec.

So first we save Cody. Yay! He's not dead, just in the maybe kinda sorta evil possibly irreversable coma thing of doom. I like cody, but that doesn't mean no suffering. : P but see? I so foreshadowed that, with the Gatomon is good at catching and all. (if I were a pup I'd be wagging my tail. yay foreshadowing I'm so proud)

Also, sending him to the hospital. Smart. I like to think that Jim, as the new doctor, was on rounds for a all night shift and walked in and saw cody and freaked out and Armadillomon explained and Jim was just " Now, I've seen everything. they really go into the internet. and come out. and- oh crud, kid, on the floor, how do I explain this how do I explain this at all, Joe you better fix this!"
I love Jim. He shall live.
well, he's on Earth. bit safe(er) there.

And, Oh, Captain Koromon you are my favorite(right next to Captains Mal, America and Awesome.)
I love Capt. Koromon. He shall live.

And then I get to do one of my favorite things and refer back to the show. because really, it *is* like the old adventure, just K.K. and Kari and a prayer that they win the day. first it was just T.K., then just tai(shush) then just Kari, then everyone, then more of everyone, then T.K. and Kari and Pata and then.. people. I forgot where I was going with this. oh right. yay it's just like old times and holy crap history is repeating guys.

Oh, Takari feels and cuteness. seriously, Takari is my OTP. I love them so much but in this story they are 11 and not old enough to be declaring undying love for each other. that said, they are old enough to have crushes and be adorable. so they will. awww, look they are so sweet and T.K.'s been protecting her and she realises it and AAWWW.
I love T.K. and Kari.

and now they're on the mountain and guess what I did research. the words Matt "said" to him as a keychain? yeah, those are exact. I watched the episode over again. yay for exact wording!!
T.K. has a scary good memory. and yet he didn't remember Digitamamon's restaurant. yay for messing with canon. I'm doing that a bit. a lot. yeah. you'll see. be afraid.

And Oh Gosh the Voice and that terrible past is becoming the future? that's now. it's not the future anymore. past is becoming now. history is about to repeat. the only question is- whose?
will it be Kari's? doomed to watch a friend die for her? or is it T.K. who will have that fate?
*cue music* Dun dun duuuun.
*laughter*

and then there's battle. I still hate writing battle scenes. But I did more research- those are Devimon's real attacks. go research! and devimon's wining and arrows aren't working and patamon's already been beaten- but not dead.
I love Patamon. He shall live.
Probably.

and then Devimon's all "And now, Small One, you die" crap crap crap and then-
Oh, Kari. Oh, Kari.
She's not about to just sit there. she never was. first time she faced an evil digimon it was to offer herself   as the 8th child to save Matt's life. I like to think that Matt never forgot that, even with all the rampent life saving and getting saved that follows.
but she doesn't sit there, she screams for him to stop and she's not some silly little child that thinks he'll stop by askling, though he thinks she is because she's met evil, she's faced evil, she's fought evil and this girl has battled darkness and memories of darkness for years and she is Light and the Voice has told her to be brave and she is not a little girl but she is a warrior of Light and she is strong and she is-
the Small One.
Devimon? be afraid.
because She's not going to let her history repeat.

( also, Firefly reference SQUEEE. It's from Serenity- just the line ' my turn' about someone having always protected someone else. followed by River being epic. Kari's not river, but right now she's darn close.)


Also, so. many. typos.
My plan is to, when this story is all done, go back and edit edit edit and fix everything.


Saturday, December 1, 2012

Izzy!

I missed Izzy, so I wrote a little scene thing with him.
 the full one is on fanfiction.net under the name "No Knowledge of what Comes"
It will be two chapters long. enjoy.


Izzy woke in utter darkness. If not for the sensation of closing his eyes and opening them again, and the throbbing pain in his shoulder, he could have believed he was still unconscious.
Flashes of what happened ran through his mind like bits of tattered film through one of the school’s old projectors.
He had been reading the Old Code, trying to translate- something- a prophecy- The Prophecy.
It was about Devimon, and someone called the Smallest. One of his friends. 
He hadn’t gotten all of it- it had been too complex. Long. But it had been coming together when-
Someone- Unimon?- had shouted his name.
Tentomon digivolved- hadn’t he?
Something had exploded.
He’d passed out.
Frustratingly, that was all he could remember. He guessed by the fact that he wasn’t stiff- not too stiff anyway- and that he wasn’t hungry or thirsty that he’d only been out a few hours at most. It couldn’t be too much since dawn- two or three hours at most. 
That meant around eight o clock, maybe nine.
That meant that the others would be getting ready for school, or were already there.
And that meant no help was coming anytime soon. Probably. 
Most likely they don’t know Sora and I are in danger yet. Sora. Oh, crap.
Suddenly everything his logical mind had been screaming at him since he regained consciousness fit together. It was probably a good thing he was still sitting down in the dark corner of- of wherever he was- because his legs went weak.
He’d been captured. By Devimon, probably. Crap.
“Tentomon?” his voice was flat, and echoed slightly. A cave, he was in a cave, likely on Infinity mountain because even though Izzy didn’t read fantasy novels like Kari or T.K. or watch action movies like Matt or Tai (Or Joe, surprisingly) he knew that it was always evil villains in evil caves on evil mountains.
There was no response. “Tentomon!” he shouted. “Sora? Biyomon?”
Nothing.
That scared Izzy more than being captured. He was alone, if it was because  his friends- his friends!- where being held elsewhere, or because they were- were-
Maybe they escaped. Maybe they got away.
He didn’t know.
He would hold on to that hope. 
Izzy stood, bracing himself against the cold, stone wall. OK. He was in a cave, in the dark, with no allies or- a quick check told him he didn’t have his digivice.
He was a sitting duck. Devimon could come in right now, and-
The room was triangular, ten paces long on two sides and thirteen on the last, he counted involuntarily as he paced his prison. It was easier to think about trivial things like that then what might happen next.
Izzy hated not knowing what was to come, but part of his mind argued that in this case, maybe it was better not to know. The other half argued that it was easier to plan if one knew what was coming, and the first half began to panic about - what plan? What can I do? With no one there, against Devimon?
Izzy began to count again to drown out his own logic.
He remembered something from what seemed like lifetimes ago, before his world had revolved around anything but grades, computers, and school.
He’d feared the dark as a child, and still did, although less so. Now, sitting in the dark, waiting, alone, his shoulder throbbing- he feared the dark again.
Feel the fear till the count of ten.
It had been his mother- who had taught him the rhyme and the way to overcome.
Then count once more to feel brave again.
One. two. three.
He wished his mother was there to hold him like he hadn’t needed since fighting Myotismon. But, no, he didn’t because that would mean she would be trapped, too, and Izzy did not want that.
So he summoned her words and counted, slowly, allowing his fear to fill him- four, five, six seven eightnineten- and then trying to force it away with Light- tennine eightseven six. five, four, his friends would come for him. Three.  Always. Two.
Tentomon would find him.
One.
His fear faded, but only a touch.Logical, he was nothing if not logical. His friends might not make it in time, in time for what he would not let himself think.
The Prophecy. He could think about that. His friends had to know about it, even if he didn’t have the details, had to know that only one of them could defeat devimon.
“Cody, Kari, T.K.” he said aloud, faces swimming in the shadow before him. “One of them. T.K. beat him before. Might again? But he didn’t stay dead. Cody’s little, the youngest currently. The smallest. Could be.” Though he liked the sound of his own voice in the darkness, pretending he was speaking to someone else, he did not want Devimon to hear. Shadows still filled the room, and Izzy could only tell his own hand as a lighter bit of darkness.
But what if it means Digimon? That might be it. Gatomon’s the smallest champion. That argues Kari. She was the Eighth Child. She’s shorter than T.K. But Patamon’s the smallest rookie. No, Salmon is. Still, Cody’s the newest. Why not come out before now? Why now?”
Thinking alone, strangely, seemed to dull his fear, as he tried to sort out his thoughts, not thinking of anything but the problem, not his own situation. It had always been that way, easier to solve something that wasn’t about him than to face things so close.
Perhaps that was why he had thrown himself into school and projects when he’d learned the truth about his past, his parents. It was easier to think if you ignored the fears and hurts. But they were still there. 
“Why now?” he said again, this time out loud.
This time, a voice answered.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Info and calendar.

OK, so I said that this is my busy season. Here is the full explanation
I am Santa Claus.
No, really.
Without me, there would be no Christmas at my house. Mum and dad have to work, as they're classical musicians and this is their busy season, with Masses and Nutcrackers and Christmas weddings- Dad's worked every Christmas Eve since I was a kid. My brother is away at school, and is in any case a lazy git around the holidays and doesn't help.
This leaves me to do everything.
Dad buys the tree and then I'm on my own. I clean the house. Plan with relatives. Clean the house more. decorate the tree. decorate the house. make gifts. buy gifts, wrap gifts, give out gifts, mail gifts, bake, cook, plan the holiday party, keep the cats from killing each other- and have my anual Christmas Panic.
this year, Mom wants us to reach out to some of my cousin's kids and second cousins.
so between my cousins, their families, my aunts and uncles, and friends, my gift list is long.
I'm not talking 10 or 11 gifts to be made. I'm not talking 20 or 30.
I'm talking nearly 70.
yeah.
So i'm pretty busy around this time of year- i've got 101 hours of audio books and 3 of christmas music, piles of yarn and thread, boxes of books and rolls of brown paper packaging.
but Never fear! I have holiday gifts for you all!
and they are chapters.
 Calendar for the next two months:

Dec 8th- Chapter 14
Dec 21st- Chapter 15
January 2-4th- Chapter 16
January 12-13th- My birthday! Chapter 17

Also! bloopers! Posted on this blog will be deleted scenes and bloopers, on the 1st, 24th, and 20th (January)
I'll post about chapter 13 in a day or two.
hope you had a fantastic thanksgiving, US readers!

Monday, November 19, 2012

Chapter 12

A Fading Hope chapter 12: Return
Song- Up to you by Riddle TM( Could not find online, sorry. It's on Itunes though!)

Standing on the platform waiting for the train to arrive
Watching as it comes into view
I’ll say goodbye but I don’t need to worry
‘Cause it’s you
Yeah, it’s you
There’s no more prophecy
So think of who you’ll be
‘Cause now it’s all up to you
To carry on and don’t look back to
Those dark days we went through
Just carry on and don’t be scared
‘Cause it’s up to you
I named you after
Hogwarts headmasters
And I know
You will do them proud
With Dumbledore’s knowledge
And Snape’s courage
You know you don’t have to be afraid now
‘Cause there’s no more prophecy
So think of who you’ll be
(Chorus)
It’s your turn now
It’s your turn now
It’s your turn now
It’s your turn now

I picked this Wrock song for the lyrics- the tune didn't really fit, but the message- the younger generation having to pick up and stay strong... I liked. the tune is very bright and upbeat, which doesn't really work, but the message- it fit, some how. not the best fit, but it works. what say you?


This was a very short chapter. The next few are going to be similarly short. Sorry.
I hope you people liked the funny bits!!! I really had fun writing them.
Thanks to my wonderful boyfriend for the comments about T.K. and Kari having psychic dreams. Whoohoo.
Oh, look, I tied this in with what went down in Captive Light. What on earth could that cryptic message mean? Nothing good, my friends, nothing good.
and Oh no, Cody! good thing Gatomon/Nefertimon is good at catching! It had to happen this way, though. It really did, I'm sorry.

my favorite part has to be Captain Koromon, though. I love him right now.
I won't kill him off.
probably.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Chapter 11

A Fading Hope chapter 11: A fading hope

Songs
The Prayer by Celtic Woman

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know
(chorus)
Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place

Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe


I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts
When stars go out each night

Remind us where you are


Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe


We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love
Chorus


Trip the Light(link below)


If all the days that come to pass
Are behind these walls
I’ll be left at the end of things
In a world kept small
Travel far from what I know
I’ll be swept away
I need to know I can be lost
and not afraid
We’re gonna trip the light
We’re gonna break the night
And we’ll see with new eyes
When we trip the light
Remember we’re lost together
Remember we’re the same
We hold the burning rhythm in our hearts
We hold the flame
Chorus
I’ll find my way home
On the Western wind
To a place that was once my world
Back from where I’ve been
And in the morning light I’ll remember
As the sun will rise
We are all the glowing embers
Of a distant fire
Chorus

I really like both these songs. The first one comes from a movie- Quest for Camelot. It was a really weird, not so great movie. But the song is pretty. It's sort of- a beacon. It's full of hope, even though darkness is coming, is around. Even though it seems like all might be lost. I wanted that for this chapter, because- thats what this chapter is. Hope. Things are working out, at last. things are grim, but there's that silver light, there's Light. The second one comes from the second "Where the Hell is Matt" video, which is a huge faith in humanity restorer, if you ask me. This guy- named Matt- goes and just- dances, all over the world, with people. It really goes to show- how united we are, we could be. I chose it because of the chorus- " we're going to trip the light, we're going to break the night." because that's what happens- it's time. T.K. and our heroes are going to fight the Darkness.

Story.
While I'm still not totally happy with the chapter, and will probably go back and edit to make it fuller,  It was probably the easiest chapter to write- I wrote it in one day, and then edited over the course of one week, rather than two or three, mostly because I wanted to make up for that last chapter's RTC. But it wasn't hard to write, it just sort of came out, all at once, a flood of words rather than a stream. In hindsight, I probably should have edited it more, but....

Anyway, first, Matt. everyone got so worried for him and I love him so much for putting up with me. first I half kill his brother, then I half kill him- he's been through a lot in the last two and a half years(of me writing) I would like to say right now that I was never *really* going to kill him off. While I am looking at a possible bittersweet ending, I love Matt too much to kill him off. (besides, that would be too easy, you're half expecting it. If I'm going to off someone you aren't going to see it coming.)
Also, that chapter got lots of reviews, so clearly I should do RTCs more often. This next chapter will have one, and the chapter after that for sure. I'm not sure about the next chapter, that one might just be a TC(Terrible Cliffhanger)

I had a lot of fun with T.K.'s digivice glowy stuff. I feel like the thought process was more realistic in this chapter than in others- repetition of words and minimal punctuation, the way you think when you're desperate.

But what I really want to talk about was the Dream. Have you ever had a dream that you know is a dream, you're sure it's a dream because why would you be at work at 8 AM on a Sunday with no one else around if you only work afternoons three days a week?(that was a few days ago. sometimes my dreams are shockingly normal) Anyway, you know it must be a dream, but you can feel pain, or think you can, and you can't wake up or make the dream stop, it just is- that's what T.K.'s dream is. It's a nightmare he can't shake loose from, and what's more, you know it's a dream not because it's not possible but because it's wrong. Matt's not dead, Jim said he was fine so this has to be a dream- it's dark and wrong and confusing. And then you can feel things, cold or pain, or you think you can and what if it's real? You start to doubt your own sanity, you know it's a dream but you can't wake up and what if, what if, what if? That's the kind of dream this is. It's not a vision, it's not real, but it sure as buttercream feels like it.

The second part has to be one of my favorite scenes to write in this whole story so far. It was the Voice, comforting T.K., but really it was *me* comforting him. I got to hold him like a mother holds a child and say, 'it's ok. It's ok.'  Over the last two+ years I have put T.K. through a lot. I've put all the characters through so much, but by the time this is all over, T.K's the clear winner of the break the cutie, writer-induced-trauma contest. And I do feel bad. I'm a jerk to them all. But it's the story, that's how it goes, and I do enjoy writing it. At the same time, these characters are real to me. Maybe it's just crazy, but making characters real is the only way I got through middle school. So this is the Voice, telling T.K. it'll be alright, but it's also me comforting T.K., who was my best friend at age 8 when I had so few,who distracted me when my grandpa died when I was 14, who helped me write and finish something longer than a few pages, that other people thought was good. It's an I'm sorry, and a thank you.

More than that, I saw it almost as me speaking to the readers, telling you, see? It's ok. I'm going to bring darkness and Sorrow, but look, things will work out, in their own way, in the end. It will be all right, all Light, somehow.


Anyway, I'll try to update in about two weeks. Many reviews make for speedy updates!
Hedgi

Monday, October 29, 2012

update (chapter 11)

I am sick.
Which means that I'm going to sit in bed and write.
expect previews by tomorrow and the chapter by saturday.
lucky you. *sneeze*

Update:
Songs I have listened to most while writing this chapter (not counting the Chapter Song, The Prayer.)

Return to Mother from Tangled
Alone from A Little Princess
Trip the Light by Alicia Lemke

All are pretty- the first two are just instrumental, but the third, trip the Light, is vocal and is really cool. It's used in the Where The Hell is Matt video,(linked) which is seriously touching.

Thinking about making this a two song chapter, because I really, really like Trip the Light. Will think about it. Nearly done!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

A Fading Hope Chapter 10

A Fading Hope: Chapter 10: Leader's Duty

Song- Angel of Darkness (see Chapter seven, it's the same song, just a different section)

Story-
So yeah, I had FUN with this. Serious fun. It was hard, one of the hardest chapters for me, but there you go.
first- things I have changed from Canon:
Digivolutions- specifically what is needed for the digimon to become Ultimates and Megas. In Canon, the kids gave up their crest powers. I call bs on that because Gatomon was able to become the Ultimate Angewomon twice before this was brought up(episode seven and episode thirteen) and the whole mess with Skullgreymon/ MetalGreymon and possibly more.
So my version is this- they didn't give up all their crest powers. Some, sure, and now it's really, hard to digivolve past champion- it just takes a lot of energy, and since most of their foes have been easy to take down at this point, they haven't needed to digivolve much. The Armors and Champions have worked fine.

Also, as brought up in episodes 53 and 54, the crests are not individual- that is, the Crest of Courage is not just Tai's courage, but everyone's, the Crest of Friendship is not just Matt's friendship, but everyone's friendship with everyone else. So it makes sense that the more Digidestined in the area- and the more courage they felt, the stronger Agumon's digivolution would be, at least to me. So that's my explanation.

Now that that's taken care of, onward.

Oh, holy duck with a typewriter, the battle.
It started as 300 words. It grew to a full third of the chapter. It took me hours, literally. I just sat at my computer and typed and deleted and typed and edited and Gatomon said she wanted to do flips and it was just a mess.I was trying to capture the chaos of battle- not that I've ever been in one, but I drew on watching things like Narnia and LotR and Avatar the Last Airbender and intense games of Capture the Flag. Seriously, Capture the flag. I was the queen of that game in school.
So I wrote with just commas and oh, the poor commas and semi colons, I've abused you so, but I wanted to capture that breathless pacing, that turn around and there's another attack and oh no, look out no time to breathe feeling.
I wanted the danger to be real, because it is, it always has been. This isn't pokemon, where the Digimon attack Digimon. They go after the kids, always have. I've grown a lot since my first battle scene, in that mary sue, awful, terrible fic that I wrote back when I was young and stupid, "Dark Serenity" please don't go and read that. Someday I'll fix it, read it then. there was one battle scene and it was terrible. I feel like I've grown so much, but still.
I hope you let me know how I did. I think it came out pretty well,which is a new feeling for me. I'm so used to thinking I suck at battles. I still do, but this one was ok.

Moving on. Them finding Sora's crutch was a cat on the lap line- that is, a line that came to me while I stared at a mostly finished chapter but couldn't take a break from the computer because my cat was siting on my lap. so I started to zone out and think and the image just... poofed into reality. I thought it added drama. What say you?


Lastly, the ending.
I had two possible endings for this chapter. the first would have cut off a bit sooner, ending with T.K. saying " It's Matt" and leaving you all in hopeful terror about what was to come- was he awake? was he ok? was he dying?
But the cat was on my lap so I decided to keep going, because it just felt... too open. It wasn't an ending, not even a cliffhanger ending, not really. so I continued and got to the last line of the chapter and thought, yes. this is it.
so that's how you got that awful ending. blame the cat. always blame the cat.
hedgi

Friday, October 19, 2012

Update.

I'm 1200 words into Chapter Ten.
800 of those words are battle sequence.
H E L P.
It's a very chaotic battle because that's what battles are, if you think about it, it's not like in pokemon games where one guy goes and then the other and then the first guy goes twice because the AI is a cheating- anyway. Not the point. The point is that Holy duck with a typewriter, 800 words of chaotic action.
You folk had better like it, because it's killing my brain to find ways to make it happen- it's so messy and chaotic and there's screaming and feathers and light shining and shadows and oh no, that's going to hurt and oh my gosh did I not use any commas that is a run on sentence and H E L P.  although Gatomon was quite clear on one point- she wanted to do a backflip onto a Violent and Attacking Unimon's back.
Well, I'm not going to argue with a lady.
This chapter should be up in a week or less.
Gatomon's orders!

Update as of 10/20/12
over 1000 words of battle and it's not done.
Conversation bits that I had while writing.
***

Me: Hee, I'm working on an action scene and have LoTR music playing.
awww, my music changed. less epic, but still pretty.
Him: but a fight scene isn't supposed to be really pretty, its supposed to be epic
Me: yes, I know! sigh. silly music. oh, now it's Narnia. Problem: solved
***


me: My battle scene is confusing me. maybe if I make it confusing enough it will seem like a real battle and the readers won't realize how lame it is.
***
me: Gatomon has decided to do flips. She's ordering me to write that she do flips.
This is madness.
him: No, This is DIGIMON!

So yeah. Chapter should be up between this Wednesday and Saturday.

Update as of 10/24
you will all hate me for what I'm about to do. live in fear.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

A Fading Hope chapter 9

A Fading Hope: Chapter Nine: Darkness of the Past
Song : Someday ( from Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame)

Song-

Someday, when we are wiser
When the world's older
When we have learned
I pray someday we may yet
Live to live and let live
Someday, life will be fairer
Need will be rarer
And greed will not pay
Godspeed, this bright millenia
On it's way, let it come someday
Someday our fight will be won, and
We'll stand in the sun, in
That bright afternoon
'Til then, on days when the sun
Is gone, we'll hang on
If we wish upon the Moon

Godspeed this bright millenia
Let it come
If we wish upon the moon
One day, someday....soon


So I really like this song, because it's Alan Menken, the guy behind all that is gold in Disney music. In my humble opinion, that is, but seriously. Beauty and the Beast, Hunchback, Tangled, Little Mermaid, Pocahontas, Enchanted, the guy's brilliant. Also, because the version I first head was Celtic Woman, and I love Celtic Woman. I picked this song because it's about fighting, not war and bloodshed fighting, but fighting against the inevitable, fighting for something so *good* and so *right*. It's about hanging on and not giving up, and that's what our characters are doing now. They're in it now, no matter the cost, they're going to battle and hold on and hope for the best.

Poor ducks, they don't have a clue whats coming.
It's also part of the Code.

Story.

Like I said, I wrote this in about 24 hours- I had a two page outline, I knew what was going to happen, of course, but specific dialog and phrasing- and some new bits that came out of nowhere- were all new. I will most likely never do that again. It was hard on my poor fingers, because that ended up being my longest chapter and nearly 6000 words.
I had fun writing it, though. It started out as a filler chapter, one I'd planned in because certain things needed to happen for the rest of the story to happen like it should, and I wasn't really looking forward to it. I'm really no hand at battles or action, I prefer the more emotional and character based aspects of my stories, and try to write minimal battles. This story, though, and this chapter, called for me to step up. I ended up having fun, though the earlier drafts( written and re-written over a course of minuts/ hours, not days) were not what one would hope. they were bare and spares and dull. I think I did a fair job of the battle scenes by the end, though.

One of my favorite scenes was a " hey, I should focus on characters" scene,  Cody's. It was short, and I had some serious fun with his grandpa's advice. No, Grandpa knows nothing about Cody's Secret life as a Digidestined, or the crests, but wow, wasn't that advice just so close to home? I think I might have Cody exclaim over that later, at least in a deleted scene. Or perhaps not. I'm amused, and frankly, that's all I need. Another favorite bit was davis's. Davis has long been my least favorite character, but by adapting him, slightly, to this story- making him grow up a bit, as the danger is a bit more "real" and trauma inducing- I'm growing to like him. I also finally feel, after two years + messing with Digimon fanfiction, like I've got a grip on his character.


Onward. I have lots of things to say because Holy duck with a typewriter it was a long chapter.



The dreams. You may remember what I said about the Dreams NOT being visions or prophetic. Guess what? I so did not lie. T.K.'S aren't prophetic, it's just him being a scared boy, for all his courage, and a traumatic past. I've had dreams, slightly off, of real events.(by slightly off I mean Suddenly Dragons.) It's partly that he's sensitive to dark, and his subconscious picked up on, but it's not specifically a warning of what's to come.

Kari's on the other hand, are. Hey, there's precedent for her being possessed by the Digital World Spirit Thingie( I promise I know words) and in my little fic universe it's established that the DWST talks to her( and as of the end of this chapter, has possessed her again.) so yeah. 
So, Kari. Having dreams. And what was it that the DWST said to her last time? 
Be brave, Little oneBeware, Light one.Pathways are forming, Light Child. Past is becoming the future.
You must be brave, and choose the brightest path, with the deepest shadows.

So yeah. You know me, that can't be good, because really, I warned you this would be darker and what's darker that " the deepest shadows" GASP could those be the shadows in the dreams?

Live in fear. Oh, live in fear.

I should get the next chapter up around Halloween.



Saturday, September 22, 2012

update

Hey, hope you've all had a great month back at school.
Well, I misplaced my notebook- but I found it last night. So I will be writing this week and the next chapter should be up by Saturday. in the meantime, another song I've been listening to:
Lily's Theme from the last Harry Potter movie. It's kinda.. creepy beautiful. I dunno, I really like it.

In any case, see you all in a week!
H

Monday, September 3, 2012

A Fading Hope chapter 8

A Fading Hope: Chapter Eight: Destiny
Song: Going Home

They say there's a place 
where dreams have all gone 
They never said where but I think I know 
It's miles through the night just over the dawn
on the road that will take me home.
I know in my bones 
I've been here before 
The ground feels the same 
though the land's been torn 
I've a long way to go 
The stars tell me so 
on this road that will take me home 
(Chorus)
Love waits for me 'round the bend 
Leads me endlessly on 
Surely sorrows shall find their end 
and all our troubles will be gone 
And I'll know what I've lost 
and all that I've won 
when the road finally takes me home.
And when I pass by
don't lead me astray 
Don't try to stop me 
Don't stand in my way 
I'm bound for the hills 
where cool waters flow 
on this road that will take me home.
Chorus.


The version I prefer is not online, but is on the CD Miles through the Night, from the Browne Sisters and George Cavanaugh. well, it is only, but it's a bad quality video. I got to hear it live yesterday, and It's beautiful. if I have time, I'll post just the chorus, as I did for their song The Hanging Gale.
I chose this song- not part of the code, because I love it, firstly, and secondly because it has a feeling of hope, or peace- of getting there, but still having a long journey. Our Heroes are going home- making it to the end of this battle, this quest, but they still have a lot to go through( about 10 chapters worth).  they are hoping for the best, they are continuing on. In any case, that's the song.

Story:
So I wrote this over one of the longest weekends of my life. See, I do the Scottish Games with my mother, and It's a 12-14 hour day both days- and that's just the set up, games, and tear down- we run a tent- and then there's traveling time, and it's about 100 degrees- And I got the brilliant Idea to run the kilted mile. yeah. mistake.
But I had fun. And I wrote a lot.

I knew I had to have some sort of parent scene. I love the relationships the kids have with their parents, and I knew that if I was in this situation, I'd be acting like T.K.'s Mom. (Not that I'm a mom or anything, but meh) In any case, It was fun to dive into their relationship, and the relationship Ms. Takaishi( is it Nansuko? I keep seeing Nancy as a popular choice for her name, but that might just be Fanon, and I'm too lazy to look it up) has with the Digital world. She's more understanding than most of the parents, but at the same time, she's almost more worried because she knows much more than the other parents- with the exception of the Izumi's. So I wanted to explore that, how she would react. I think it came out nicely.

I'm not a doctor, so apologies if any of my medical stuff doesn't make sense. I'm using terminology from when I was a kid, and my brother and I had issues. I'm pretty sure what they did was give me an MRI, but I could be wrong about that, haha. So yeah, my medical mumbo-jumbo is just that.
Some goes for my programing. I don't really understand it so I used as little as possible. Yolei's better at it than I, so whenever you read ' typed rapidly" or whatever, it means did computer nerd stuff  that I'm not nerd enough( or the right type of nerd) to describe. :D  The gist is that the program can track/ find anyone, but needs their specific Digital code. Since Yolei doesn't know Izzy's( and I'd guess it was a lot of zeros and ones or some such and would be impossible to memorize anyway) she's going to hope that his digivice has the same code, since it's linked to him. I won't tell you if she's right or not.

The email conversation was a through it in, but I had a lot of fun with it. I wanted it to be serious, but with some lightheartedness in it ( "Oh, and Demiveemon says Hi." "Davis, I think it's T.K.'s business, not yours.~Gatomon.") Like a real conversation with them. I feel like I'm starting to get a better grip on the characters, and LOOK!! I even remembered the digimon! I was so proud of that. 

So that was the story. I wrote most of it sitting in a hot tent dressed up in a long skirt and bodice and the whole peasant costume. I did not write with a quill though!
see you around!
~Hedgi