Sunday, December 23, 2012

recipes!

I want to give you all yummy treats for reviewing, but I can't. so here are two easy, yummy recipes!


Lava Cakes

¾ cup butter
6 oz semisweet chocolate pieces3 eggs
3 egg yolks
½ cup white sugar
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla
1/3 cup all purpose flour (plus a little extra)
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
*
  1. Heat oven to 400 F,  grease and flour pans( use small bread tins or a cupcake pan).  
  2. Separate 3 egg yolks and add in the 3 whole eggs (put in large bowl) mix in vanilla and sugar. Stir well. 
  3.  Melt butter and chocolate in the saucepan over low heart, stir constantly.
  4.  Sift flour and cocoa together into small bowl, set aside. Take the melted chocolate and slowly pour into the large bowl, stirring constantly. Add in the flour-cocoa and stir. 
  5.  Bake for  7 to 10 minutes.
  6.  Carefully turn pan over a sheet of waxed paper/cookie sheet, the cakes should come right out.
  7. Add any toppings you wish.

Spiced Walnuts

3 cups walnut haves
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup water
3 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cloves
1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
*
Heat oven to 275, cook nuts for 10 minutes on a non stick pan. Meanwhile, mix other ingredients (except vanilla) in a pot, boil for two and 1 half minutes. remove from heat, add vanilla and nuts, mix well. Spread on foil, and let cool for 30 minutes.

Friday, December 14, 2012

A fading Hope chapter 15



Song
Endless Night from the Lion King (stage show)
( Lyrics and discussion will be in a separate post)
This chapter was hard to write.
The Sunday I began it, I saw a woman I hadn’t spoken to for seven years, when she and her daughter pretty much destroyed my life. I don’t want to go into details, but because of their actions, my trust and faith in people was shattered and is still healing. I became very depressed. Seeing her brought back memories and emotions I’ve tried to keep locked away.
The same emotions- hopelessness, despair, loss- that were key to this chapter.
So yeah.

Story.
This was the Core of the story. So let’s talk about that.
Unlike pretty much every other story I’ve ever written, this one didn’t come from a scene. as I said when I was talking about A Captive Light’s core, I had a scene- I knew that Kari was going to have been kidnapped, someone was going to take a blast for her, her crest was going to react.
For this one, when I started thinking, “Ok, I have that one loose end to deal with. hmm” I didn’t have anything.
While walking back from church one day over a year ago, I came up with not a scene, but an image. T.K., alone, in the Dark ocean. with the scene came one word: Hopeless.
I had a lot of work to do to get from that single word and image to the story you’ve been reading. I spent the rest of December plotting it out.

Moving on, this is something important to me. All of my works have one or both of two themes: the power of friendship and loyalty, and the battle between hope and despair.
I use these for different reasons.
The first one- that someone would do anything for a friend- is in Fading Hope, but mostly in Captive Light. I use this theme, because I never had it in my life. I had “friends” but most of them were just cousins I saw once every few months, or people who wouldn’t tease me at school. I had no one I could really talk to, no one who would do for me what my characters, both in fanfiction and in my other works, do for each other. So I write what I didn’t have. I’m very blessed to have people I consider my true friends now.

The second theme I use because it’s a constant in my life. I have Hypomania, type two bipolar, and have battled depression for seven years. Really, it all goes back to the woman and her daughter I mentioned earlier. I was badly bullied in middle school and high school wasn’t a ton better. So I battled. I’m on medication now, but for six and a half years it was just me, trying to keep faith and hope. Bi polar is a funny thing. I would Know in my head everything would be fine in a week, but I couldn’t believe it in my heart.
And that’s what A Fading Hope is about. It’s about loss, it’s about meeting despair, it’s about falling- and it’s about hope.

Like I said, I become whatever character I’m writing. So as I wrote this, I revisited those feelings- of uncertainty, of utter and complete hopelessness and despair. Of thinking” It’s over. there is nothing I can do to make this better. there is no way I can go on.” It was hard. I was pretty emotional shaken after I finished ( the meds still worked. i’m fine, don’t worry :) ) but it was really important to write, because- that was it, the core of the story. T.K, in the dark ocean and his world is in tatters and this is his darkest hour, his despair event horizon.
I tried to draw on my own life for his words and thoughts, digging through old poems, facebook posts, journal entries. I’m sorry if it doesn’t fit or work well or is too repetitive- his thoughts and the text are modeled after my own thought patterns during my lows, and are thus not really coherent.
I hope I got the message across.

This was dark. T.K. is in the dark ocean with only Patamon- the first draft didn’t even give him that. I took pity on him. ish. He has lost hope. I know it is out of character- but not, I think, for this story, which is darker than the show. and in the last few hours, all the hopes he had were shattered when his friends got captured, and then when he couldn’t do anything to save them or Kari.

The dream is shamelessly inspired by Tamora Pierce’s book Squire( Tamora Pierce is amazing. seriously, just go read something by her.)- the main character faces an Ordeal to become a knight and has to face her worst fears, and one of them is reliving a situation where she saved her friends but this time she’s frozen with fear and they all die. I borrowed the Idea. It’s not mine.

Most of what T.K. is feeling- the numbness, the emptiness, everything being big and cold but tears- is what I feel when I have my lows. I tried to be realistic. 
Um yeah.
Wow, that was really dark.
It get’s better, guys. Spoilers: I love happy endings.
I’m not saying everything will work out, but there is Hope. It’s all going to get - better -.
I am a creature prone to happy endings, and there’s still a few chapters left.
hold to that.
next chapter will be up in a week, give or take.
Hedgi.

More Izzy!

I posted the next chapter of No Knowledge today.
I have the feels for that chapter. It was so warm and fuzzy. We need warm and fuzzy today.
Also, I ship Joe and Mimi. I ship them so much. :D

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A Fading Hope Chapter 14


A Fading Hope chapter 14: the Darkness Again
Song: Into the West from Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You’ve come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping
[Chorus]
What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home
And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass
Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say: "We have come now to the end"

White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping
[Chorus]
And all will turn 
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass 
Into the West

I love this song. I love lord of the rings, although my movie budget is going to see Les Mis three times, so I’ll be waiting to see hobbit) I chose it because... well, it’s a bit bleak. it’s more than a bit bleak. and at this point, so is the story. Hope is fading, and the end is coming, and.. yeah. the tune is soft, a lullaby, a pleading, prayerful lullaby- but the Dark is coming. I thought it fit.

Story.
I missed Izzy so much that I just had to keep writing him, and also the chapter was way too short so... flashback! The count to ten thing comes from a book series I really liked, “ the hourglass door” it’s time travel romance with loads of good versus evil and epic battles. 
I hope I made Izzy awkward enough. Poor Izzy.
I like him. He shall... get another chapter in his story. ( what, you think I’m going to spoil his fate??)
Now onto story.
My heart hurt to write this chapter, but it was the way the story came to me, the way it fit together and it had to happen. You all probably hate me for it. Sorry.
So- Kari was the Small one. It makes sense, after all. The little, pure, Light touched, angelic one is always the chosen one, or so it seems, so those of you who’ve read a lot of fantasy- you probably saw it coming- or did you? I don’t know how many of you were surprised.
I got to use my Firefly shout out again, which made me happy. Only Kari’s not exactly River Tam. Too bad for that.
But Kari gets to think and suddenly it all makes sense to her. She is the Small one. One of my favorite lines was probably “ Her voice quaked but her knees were steady, she was steady, she was not afraid.”
Did you have a favorite line?
And the T.K. gets to all heroic and Awesome and self sacrificing like he is. And he has to be, because he’s got to convince Devimon not to go after Kari because she’s the only one who can win. No pressure  or anything.
And then Poor, Poor, Kari has a flashback/ realization. Sad.  And Patamon is unconscious. This looks bad.
And then the bombshell. Wham line.
Devimon killed the others.
Excuse me while I go cry in a corner.

Um, I’m back. Are... are you?
I can wait.
I know you probably want to kill me for that.
Don’t.
You know from No Knowledge that Devimon wants to use at least Izzy to make sure the rings work on people. So Izzy’s alive! And if Izzy’s alive, well, draw you own conclusions. But T.K. and Kari don’t know this. So the others might as well be dead at this point. Or maybe they are dead. All I'm saying is that Izzy, Cody, and Matt are for sure alive at this point in the story.
The again, there was that Dream.
Sometimes dreams are just dreams. And sometimes, they are more.
And we get an answer about whose past was repeating. T.K.’s.

So... Kari’s... gone. The Light fades. The fight is over.
You all hate me for that ending.
It was hard to write, though not harder than the next chapter.
So, what happens next? The story's not over. It’s not. There are about 4 more chapters, counting epilogue. Stuff needs to get resolved in the real world at least.
And Devimon’s plans are larger than you know.
Be Afraid. 
Hedgi.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

you'll be happy about this.

Hi, the one person who is reading this :)

I have awesome news.
because I don't want to leave the Christmas chapter on a downer (spoilers! sorry), I have decided to post the next two chapters of A Fading Hope  in the next two weeks.
AND the next chapter of No Knowledge of What comes.

Mostly because I'm on Christmas gift 55/70 and it's only the first week of December so I suddenly am less busy.

Isn't that grand?

Monday, December 3, 2012

Chapter 13


A Fading Hope chapter 13: Light's Prayer
Song- chapter 34 by Riddle TM

I’m cold but I know that I shouldn’t be
Like I’ve woken up from a bad dream.
Time slows down to a crawl,
And sound comes through muffled to me
A long way off from here.
Life is precarious,
Just a thin line like a fragile spiders web.
But you can be invincible
Just find something to hold on to.
(I open at the close)
(Verse 2)
I hold the ring in my hand
I’ll be okay now I have the bitter truth at last.
Help me through, strengthen my resolve
Help me face Voldemort
With courage and without fear.
Life is precarious,
But that’s what makes all the difference.
I wonder if it hurts
I guess it’s time to find out.
(Chorus)
Here we are now at the bitter end
Holding onto loyalty and hope
We have courage, friendship and love
A magic stronger than anything you have.
(Verse 3)
I see around me people I love and I feel strong
Nothing can stop me now.
You took my family, can take my life
But I won’t be defeated,
That at least is clear.

Life is precarious,
But that doesn’t mean we can’t have hope.
I’m not afraid anymore.
Here’s to life, and here’s to love.
(Chorus)
And you underestimated us
You don’t understand friendship or love
Now Tom Riddle, this is the end.
The last thing to be defeated is death.

I chose THIS wrock song for both words and tune. It's slow and sad, but has this yearning, this edge of Hope and I liked that. because Kari and t.K. are left to fight, just them, their brothers are gone, their parents can't help, their Nakama, their friends closer than family are gone and it's just them but they won't give up, they won't, they won't. Kari knows, a bit, that something bad is coming, the Voice keeps telling her that the Past is becoming the future- now. that future is now. And T.K. will protect her. and they have that hope- that everything is going to be all right.

Story.
I had such a blast writing this one.
Ok, hands? how many of you did I fool? you thought it was T.K! don't worry. Izzy and Joe thought it was T.K. T.K. thought it was T.K. but we'll get to that in a sec.

So first we save Cody. Yay! He's not dead, just in the maybe kinda sorta evil possibly irreversable coma thing of doom. I like cody, but that doesn't mean no suffering. : P but see? I so foreshadowed that, with the Gatomon is good at catching and all. (if I were a pup I'd be wagging my tail. yay foreshadowing I'm so proud)

Also, sending him to the hospital. Smart. I like to think that Jim, as the new doctor, was on rounds for a all night shift and walked in and saw cody and freaked out and Armadillomon explained and Jim was just " Now, I've seen everything. they really go into the internet. and come out. and- oh crud, kid, on the floor, how do I explain this how do I explain this at all, Joe you better fix this!"
I love Jim. He shall live.
well, he's on Earth. bit safe(er) there.

And, Oh, Captain Koromon you are my favorite(right next to Captains Mal, America and Awesome.)
I love Capt. Koromon. He shall live.

And then I get to do one of my favorite things and refer back to the show. because really, it *is* like the old adventure, just K.K. and Kari and a prayer that they win the day. first it was just T.K., then just tai(shush) then just Kari, then everyone, then more of everyone, then T.K. and Kari and Pata and then.. people. I forgot where I was going with this. oh right. yay it's just like old times and holy crap history is repeating guys.

Oh, Takari feels and cuteness. seriously, Takari is my OTP. I love them so much but in this story they are 11 and not old enough to be declaring undying love for each other. that said, they are old enough to have crushes and be adorable. so they will. awww, look they are so sweet and T.K.'s been protecting her and she realises it and AAWWW.
I love T.K. and Kari.

and now they're on the mountain and guess what I did research. the words Matt "said" to him as a keychain? yeah, those are exact. I watched the episode over again. yay for exact wording!!
T.K. has a scary good memory. and yet he didn't remember Digitamamon's restaurant. yay for messing with canon. I'm doing that a bit. a lot. yeah. you'll see. be afraid.

And Oh Gosh the Voice and that terrible past is becoming the future? that's now. it's not the future anymore. past is becoming now. history is about to repeat. the only question is- whose?
will it be Kari's? doomed to watch a friend die for her? or is it T.K. who will have that fate?
*cue music* Dun dun duuuun.
*laughter*

and then there's battle. I still hate writing battle scenes. But I did more research- those are Devimon's real attacks. go research! and devimon's wining and arrows aren't working and patamon's already been beaten- but not dead.
I love Patamon. He shall live.
Probably.

and then Devimon's all "And now, Small One, you die" crap crap crap and then-
Oh, Kari. Oh, Kari.
She's not about to just sit there. she never was. first time she faced an evil digimon it was to offer herself   as the 8th child to save Matt's life. I like to think that Matt never forgot that, even with all the rampent life saving and getting saved that follows.
but she doesn't sit there, she screams for him to stop and she's not some silly little child that thinks he'll stop by askling, though he thinks she is because she's met evil, she's faced evil, she's fought evil and this girl has battled darkness and memories of darkness for years and she is Light and the Voice has told her to be brave and she is not a little girl but she is a warrior of Light and she is strong and she is-
the Small One.
Devimon? be afraid.
because She's not going to let her history repeat.

( also, Firefly reference SQUEEE. It's from Serenity- just the line ' my turn' about someone having always protected someone else. followed by River being epic. Kari's not river, but right now she's darn close.)


Also, so. many. typos.
My plan is to, when this story is all done, go back and edit edit edit and fix everything.


Saturday, December 1, 2012

Izzy!

I missed Izzy, so I wrote a little scene thing with him.
 the full one is on fanfiction.net under the name "No Knowledge of what Comes"
It will be two chapters long. enjoy.


Izzy woke in utter darkness. If not for the sensation of closing his eyes and opening them again, and the throbbing pain in his shoulder, he could have believed he was still unconscious.
Flashes of what happened ran through his mind like bits of tattered film through one of the school’s old projectors.
He had been reading the Old Code, trying to translate- something- a prophecy- The Prophecy.
It was about Devimon, and someone called the Smallest. One of his friends. 
He hadn’t gotten all of it- it had been too complex. Long. But it had been coming together when-
Someone- Unimon?- had shouted his name.
Tentomon digivolved- hadn’t he?
Something had exploded.
He’d passed out.
Frustratingly, that was all he could remember. He guessed by the fact that he wasn’t stiff- not too stiff anyway- and that he wasn’t hungry or thirsty that he’d only been out a few hours at most. It couldn’t be too much since dawn- two or three hours at most. 
That meant around eight o clock, maybe nine.
That meant that the others would be getting ready for school, or were already there.
And that meant no help was coming anytime soon. Probably. 
Most likely they don’t know Sora and I are in danger yet. Sora. Oh, crap.
Suddenly everything his logical mind had been screaming at him since he regained consciousness fit together. It was probably a good thing he was still sitting down in the dark corner of- of wherever he was- because his legs went weak.
He’d been captured. By Devimon, probably. Crap.
“Tentomon?” his voice was flat, and echoed slightly. A cave, he was in a cave, likely on Infinity mountain because even though Izzy didn’t read fantasy novels like Kari or T.K. or watch action movies like Matt or Tai (Or Joe, surprisingly) he knew that it was always evil villains in evil caves on evil mountains.
There was no response. “Tentomon!” he shouted. “Sora? Biyomon?”
Nothing.
That scared Izzy more than being captured. He was alone, if it was because  his friends- his friends!- where being held elsewhere, or because they were- were-
Maybe they escaped. Maybe they got away.
He didn’t know.
He would hold on to that hope. 
Izzy stood, bracing himself against the cold, stone wall. OK. He was in a cave, in the dark, with no allies or- a quick check told him he didn’t have his digivice.
He was a sitting duck. Devimon could come in right now, and-
The room was triangular, ten paces long on two sides and thirteen on the last, he counted involuntarily as he paced his prison. It was easier to think about trivial things like that then what might happen next.
Izzy hated not knowing what was to come, but part of his mind argued that in this case, maybe it was better not to know. The other half argued that it was easier to plan if one knew what was coming, and the first half began to panic about - what plan? What can I do? With no one there, against Devimon?
Izzy began to count again to drown out his own logic.
He remembered something from what seemed like lifetimes ago, before his world had revolved around anything but grades, computers, and school.
He’d feared the dark as a child, and still did, although less so. Now, sitting in the dark, waiting, alone, his shoulder throbbing- he feared the dark again.
Feel the fear till the count of ten.
It had been his mother- who had taught him the rhyme and the way to overcome.
Then count once more to feel brave again.
One. two. three.
He wished his mother was there to hold him like he hadn’t needed since fighting Myotismon. But, no, he didn’t because that would mean she would be trapped, too, and Izzy did not want that.
So he summoned her words and counted, slowly, allowing his fear to fill him- four, five, six seven eightnineten- and then trying to force it away with Light- tennine eightseven six. five, four, his friends would come for him. Three.  Always. Two.
Tentomon would find him.
One.
His fear faded, but only a touch.Logical, he was nothing if not logical. His friends might not make it in time, in time for what he would not let himself think.
The Prophecy. He could think about that. His friends had to know about it, even if he didn’t have the details, had to know that only one of them could defeat devimon.
“Cody, Kari, T.K.” he said aloud, faces swimming in the shadow before him. “One of them. T.K. beat him before. Might again? But he didn’t stay dead. Cody’s little, the youngest currently. The smallest. Could be.” Though he liked the sound of his own voice in the darkness, pretending he was speaking to someone else, he did not want Devimon to hear. Shadows still filled the room, and Izzy could only tell his own hand as a lighter bit of darkness.
But what if it means Digimon? That might be it. Gatomon’s the smallest champion. That argues Kari. She was the Eighth Child. She’s shorter than T.K. But Patamon’s the smallest rookie. No, Salmon is. Still, Cody’s the newest. Why not come out before now? Why now?”
Thinking alone, strangely, seemed to dull his fear, as he tried to sort out his thoughts, not thinking of anything but the problem, not his own situation. It had always been that way, easier to solve something that wasn’t about him than to face things so close.
Perhaps that was why he had thrown himself into school and projects when he’d learned the truth about his past, his parents. It was easier to think if you ignored the fears and hurts. But they were still there. 
“Why now?” he said again, this time out loud.
This time, a voice answered.